I think of hearts in bodies and the rhythm inside us we don't get to choose. I think of candy hearts and carved-tree hearts and hummingbird hearts.

She explores the hard and beautiful places loss can take us, and honors those who hold us tightly when the current wants to tug us out to sea.Īt three in the morning when I can't sleep, the room ticks over in the dark and all I have for company is the rush of words coming up fast like those racehorses you see on television, poor things, and when their hearts give out they are laid on the ground and shot dead behind a blue sheet.Īt three a.m., I think of hearts. Or maybe - maybe maybe maybe - there's a third way Biz just can't see yet.ĭebut author Helena Fox tells a story about love and grief, about inter-generational mental illness, and how living with it is both a bridge to someone loved and lost and, also, a chasm. It might be easier, better, sweeter to float all the way away? Or maybe stay a little longer, find her father, bring him back to her. Dad disappears and, with him, all comfort. And Biz knows how to float, right there on the surface - normal okay regular fine.īut after what happens on the beach - first in the ocean, and then in the sand - the tethers that hold Biz steady come undone.

And she doesn't tell anyone about her dad. Not about her dark, runaway thoughts, not about kissing Grace or noticing Jasper, the new boy. And she has her dad, who tells her about the little kid she was, and who shouldn't be here but is. She has her people, her posse, her mom and the twins. Agent: Catherine Drayton, InkWell Management.Biz knows how to float. Through lyrical first-person narration, Fox empathically conveys the hereditary nature of Biz’s illness, its disorienting manifestations, and the limitations and power of love to heal. Perplexed about her experiences, until she reaches a crisis point. However, her ongoing hallucinations, panic attacks, and disassociations, in which she has no memory of incidents others report, leave her increasingly Biz drops out of school, begins clinical treatment, and makes unexpected new friends, including Jasper, a teen with challenges of his own.

But a drunken beach party incident leads to her dramatic expulsion from the group and catapults her into suicidal depression. Biz has her posse of friends, including her best friend Grace, whom she once kissed, and who supports Biz as she begins to explore her sexual identity. Biz, 17, blames herself for her father’s death when she was seven (“I am why he was sad”), and she doesn’t tell anyone that he remains a visible, often comforting presence in her life. Set in Wollongong, Australia, Fox’s exquisite debut offers an intimate portrayal of a teenager navigating familial and social complexities while living with an undiagnosed mental illness.

Helena fox how it feels to float